


Mail Order What?

by Kiterie



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Mail Order Brides, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:52:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2058120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiterie/pseuds/Kiterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kakashi agreed to be on Minato and Kushina’s wills and care for Naruto if anything should happen to them he didn’t believe it would ever happen. At the advice of friends he decides hiring an au pair is his only option. Iruka might be his only hope, but the cute teacher comes with his own problems. Can the three of them really make it work?</p><p><b>Contains (Highlight to view):</b> <span class="spoiler">Mizuki! He’s briefly mentioned seriously though family friendly.</span></p><p><b>Prompt/Scenario:</b> #2 by spiralsfalling: When Minato and Kushina die, they leave behind Naruto in Kakashi's care for the immediate future. Horrified and scared of the responsibility he now has to child!Naruto, he gets drunk with Anko and Genma and they drunkenly conspire to get Kakashi a bride to help things along. Enter MailOrderBride!Iruka.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mail Order What?

**Author's Note:**

> Min/Kush, Iruka and Kakashi being parents, domestic cuteness, AU, fluff. Thank you to my betas K, A, A, & L who kept me from pulling out my hair.

** Chapter 1: Ideas and Introductions **

Kakashi shifted on his chair in a vain attempt to get comfortable. “I don’t know what they were thinking,” he grumbled. “Mah, I don’t even know what I was thinking when I agreed to it.”

“Probably that it would never happen,” Genma suggested, toying with the toothpick between his lips and dragging his finger across the top of his martini glass.

Raidou nodded. “That and I bet you just couldn’t think of a way to tell Minato no when he practically raised you after your father died. I mean it would be…”

“Rude?” Genma offered the word up with a smirk, toothpick clamped down between his front teeth momentarily.

“Yeah, rude is one way to put it,” Rai agreed. “You’d basically have to be a complete asshole to tell the people who have always supported you and treated you like family no less that while you love them you don’t want anything to do with their hellspawn if something tragic happens.”

Kakashi scowled at his friends. “Not helping.” They were right on all accounts, but that didn’t exactly help. He didn’t want to take care of a ten, no wait, eleven year-old-boy right now. It was especially daunting given that the kid had, in the two months he’d been in government care, managed to get into trouble at least a dozen times. Between the vandalism and fighting, Kakashi was fairly certain “hellspawn” was an apt description. “I’m not good with kids, and I don’t even like them so what am I supposed to do?”

Still chewing the toothpick, Genma smirked. “You could marry one of your stalkers, like that Hanare, then pawn the responsibility off on them.”

Glaring, Kakashi picked up his glass. “I can’t believe you would even suggest that.” It was horrifying even in jest.

“Actually…” Rai downed the last of his beer.

Kakashi shifted the glare from one to the other. “I am not marrying some psychotic fangirl and re-enacting Misery. I also wouldn’t inflict that on a kid.” He was surprised Raidou would agree with Genma’s suggestion, boyfriends or not Rai was far more practical and far less insane.

He rolled his eyes. “I was going to say it’s not a totally bad idea. Not marrying them, but getting somebody who’s good with kids to help. You know like a nanny or an au pair.”

The brilliance of the idea surprised him. “Isn’t he a bit old for that though?”

Rai shrugged and picked at the pile of fries.

Genma leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. “You got what, a week to figure it out and find one? That’s not a lot of time and if you don’t need them or don’t like them you can always let them go once you and the kid have adjusted.”

They had a point, and it wasn’t as though he couldn’t afford one. He wasn’t entirely fond of having other people living in his house, but if it worked out it would also mean he wouldn’t have to drag the kid around on his next book tour. Kakashi sipped his drink and resigned himself figuring out the logistics tomorrow.

* * *

Kakashi set a box of cereal and carton of milk on the table.

Naruto enthusiastically poured himself a bowl, spilling both cereal and milk onto the table in the process.

The cereal was disgustingly sweet and completely unhealthy which Naruto clearly saw as a victory of some kind. Kakashi didn’t care. He didn’t have the energy to try and get Naruto to eat something healthier. Three agencies, ten girls, five broken plates, and one utterly destroyed kitchen chair later Kakashi was certain the situation was hopeless anyway. Naruto was not only a handful, he was at least five handfuls because even with help the kid still somehow managed to simultaneously keep him from getting any work done and get into trouble.

Kurenai, the director of the newest agency he’d hired, had assured him several times over that the individual they were sending over was their best. The au pair in question was supposed to be uniquely skilled in dealing with “problem children” and orphans. He hadn’t thought to ask for more details and he wasn’t particularly optimistic that it would work out any better than the last.

Fishing several crumpled bills from his petty cash jar, Kakashi grabbed the backpack from behind the couch, shoved the bills into it, and dropped it on the table.

“Don’t forget you have to pick me up at three,” Naruto reminded, putting extra emphasis on the time.

In his first week at the school Naruto had been banned from the bus for fighting with some kid named Sasuke and without a nanny Kakashi was forced to pick him up. Scrubbing one hand over his neck Kakashi waved the other at the comment dismissively. “Mah… It was Pakkun, he forgot to remind me.”

Naruto’s response was to scrunch up his face and narrow his eyes. “Pakkun is a dog.”

Kakashi nodded and poured himself a cup of coffee. “He’s a very smart one.”

“I bet you were reading one of your pervy books and forgot me.” Naruto shoved another spoonful into his mouth, making even more of a mess, but somehow managing to avoid getting any on the hideous orange and blue running suit he near constantly wore.

Kakashi kept hoping he would get the thing stained or ripped or something. He’d take any excuse to get rid of the thing.

“She comes today right?”

The wicked optimism in his voice made Kakashi mentally cringe. “I still have to interview her, but yes.”

Naruto’s blue eyes lit up, and he grinned.

Sighing, Kakashi pulled out leftover rice and fish. He would be more annoyed by the obvious mischief Naruto was planning, but it really wasn’t a surprise anymore. He gave this new girl a day before she ran for the hills. Raidou’s genius suggestion was turning out to be more of a hassle than a help.

* * *

Kakashi’s work day was not turning out to be the most productive, not even in comparison to the last few weeks. His editor, Shizune, had called for updates on when his now-overdue manuscript would be done. She hadn’t been particularly happy with him, but she hadn’t been half as pissed as Tsunade. That fact might very well have had as much to do with Shizune getting on her case as it did with his actually being late. It could have also had to do with Jiraiya and the fact his latest heroine was blonde, loud, and often drunk. The fact that she had a very small chest and was about twenty-five years younger than Tsunade did not mean that she wasn't modeled after her. Jiraiya was prone to that and despite her sometimes violent protests, Kakashi was fairly certain she was more than a little flattered. It was obvious to everyone that they belonged together, and sometimes Kakashi questioned if they were truly oblivious to each others true feelings or if they just enjoyed the flirting.

He’d only just gotten lost in his writing when the doorbell rang. It caught him by surprise and it took him another minute to remember the interview. “Shit.” Kakashi sighed, closed his laptop, and got up.

His office was at the back of the sprawling house so getting to the front door took several minutes and by the time he did the doorbell had rung twice more. If this was a sign of her patience he wouldn’t give her an hour before she gave up. “Mah, I’m coming already.”

Kakashi unlocked the door and slid it open to find, to his surprise, a man with a ponytail staring at him. He was smiling, but doing so a little tightly. “I would have answered the door sooner, but as I was walking from my office, the black hole in the middle caused time to slow down for me.”

The smile broke into a muffled laugh for a second before the man caught himself and muffled it. “Mmhm. I suppose I’ll have to watch out for that.”

“It’s okay; it’s disappeared for the moment,” Kakashi assured him. “So, how can I help you?” He wondered if maybe the girl had backed out, but it didn’t really explain why ‘Ponytail’ was standing on his porch.

“I’m Umino Iruka, I’m here for the interview.” He furrowed his brow, hesitating. “This is the Hatake residence, correct?”

Kakashi arched his brow in mild surprised. “Mah, that explains it. I thought you would be a girl.”

Iruka’s lips tightened into something nearing a frown. “Well, I’m not. Is that a problem?”

Shrugging, Kakashi stepped to the side. “It hasn’t exactly proved to be an advantage for them.”

“Kurenai told me that we’re not the first agency that you’ve tried. How many au pairs have you had?” Iruka asked, stepping inside.

“Ten. All barely out of school. It seems to be a pattern.” Kakashi wasn’t sure why they were all so young, though he also wasn’t convinced an old lady would have fared any better. Naruto was being a deliberate brat.

Iruka took off his shoes and set them beside the door. “It’s a nice way for a girl to live abroad. She gets room and board plus enough money to go have some fun. Some kids backpack, some play house.”

Kakashi arched his brow, thinking, then nodded. It made sense. “Tea?” he asked, heading towards the kitchen.

Iruka clearly took it for the invitation it was and followed him. “Yes, thank you.”  
It was obvious Umino’s reasons were different. He was clearly Japanese and not a foreigner. “Why do you do it then?”

Iruka was quiet for a good thirty seconds, before finally answering. “I needed a change, at least temporarily, from my job teaching. I used to work with Kurenai before she started her own business last year, so she offered me a job.”

Umino couldn’t have been any older than him which made Kakashi curious why he would need a break since he couldn’t have been teaching for that long. “How old are you and how long did you teach for?” He did his best to keep the questions casual.

“I’m twenty-four and for three years. Which I’m fully aware that’s not a long time, but the break is for personal reasons,” Iruka continued, not waiting for a response. “They aren’t specifically related to teaching and you can call the Konoha Academy for a reference if need be. I am on a sabbatical, it’s voluntary and not related to anything disciplinary.”

“Oh?” Kakashi slid the kitchen door open then turned to look at Iruka. “Personal? Did you just break up with someone?” It would actually explain why he would go with au pair since that would include a place to live.

His cheeks flushed slightly and drawing attention to the scar that ran across them and his nose. “Personal meaning unless it’s somehow relevant I’d rather not discuss it.”

Kakashi found the slightly defensive embarrassment actually kind of... cute. “It could be relevant.” He resisted the urge to leer. Barely. Jiraiya would be disappointed, but Kakashi didn’t want to risk scaring off a potential person to deal with the blond ball of energy. Instead he walked over to his electric kettle and filled it. “If it could be a problem then it’s relevant. Could this reason be potentially dangerous?”

Iruka frowned and looked away.

Kakashi didn’t think it was avoidance this time. Those dark brown eyes seemed more thoughtful than anxious so he simply waited for the man to expand on the answer beyond a look.

“No. He-” The flush of Iruka’s cheeks deepened at the slip. “I don’t think so and I’m quite capable of dealing with a problem if there is one. I won’t let it affect you or Naruto.”

His brain stuck on the ‘he’ and Kakashi wondered if, given the embarrassment, it meant what he thought it meant. Asking was probably not his best move at the moment though, so he flicked the kettle on and pulled down two mugs. “Alright.”

“That’s it? You push me for answers and then give up at one assurance?” The surprise evident in his voice, Iruka stood awkwardly in the doorway unmoving.

“If I can’t trust your word then hiring you would be pointless. I can check your references and I will, but people don’t generally give references that speak badly of them so I have to trust my instincts on you. They’re telling me to trust you.” Not that he had a lot of options right then, but something about Umino Iruka was disarming and the man all but radiated “trust me.” Kakashi fished out two tea strainers from the drawer. “Black or green?”

“Green.” Iruka stepped further inside, looking around appraisingly, his short brown ponytail swishing whenever he turned his head. “Thank you. Does that mean I have the job.”

“You’re aware he will try to prank you and do anything he can to drive you crazy, correct?” Kakashi had explained the situation to the agency and he hoped they’d filled Umino in. He opened one of the tea canisters on his counter and put some into each strainer before closing it back up. “He’s been banned from the bus and gets detention more days than not.”

Iruka laughed. “I’m good with trouble makers. I used to be one so I know most of their tricks, and I adapt quickly to the ones I don’t.”

Kakashi poured the water and handed Umino a cup. “I work in my office and I need quiet. If you can handle him then maybe I can get some work done.”

“I’ll do my best.” Iruka smiled and looked around again. “We have some time before school lets out, if you can show me where I’ll be staying I can get my things from my friend’s and get settled before we have to go pick him up.”

The school teacher had energy in abundance, and Kakashi again found his mind wandering to very inappropriate things in regard to him because of that. His mind was obviously stuck in his writing because he was now pondering changing one of the characters. It meant more work, but he was fairly certain he’d have the motivation staring him in the face for awhile at least.

* * *

Hands on his hips, Naruto squinted up at Iruka. “You're not a girl.”

Iruka looked over at Kakashi, brows raised, then back at Naruto. “Hatake-san and I have been over this and no, I'm not.”

Naruto's expression changed slightly; his eyes were still squinty, but now his mouth was hanging open. He looked at Kakashi and then back at Iruka. “Kakashi-niisan really is a pervert.”

The kid was a brat. Kakashi opened his mouth to argue though and realized he really shouldn't. Given what he wrote Naruto wasn't exactly wrong; plus the implication of his being interested in Iruka was accurate, he just hadn't been interested in any of the girls.

“Being gay or bi doesn't make a person a pervert, Naruto-kun.” Iruka made the correction calmly then smiled and inclined his head in Kakashi's direction with a wink at Naruto. “I'm sure you're right though. I bet he's pervert,” he chuckled.

Naruto laughed and then grinned really wide.

Kakashi opened his mouth, closed it, and furrowed his brow. He felt like he was being ganged up on.

“He is a pervert. He reads Ero-senin's books.”

Iruka looked at Kakashi, brow furrowed and clearly confused.

Kakashi shrugged. “Jiraiya. He writes the Icha Icha series. He also teaches Naruto martial arts so you'll undoubtedly meet him.”

The look on Iruka's face changed from confusion to disapproval and he crossed his arms. “You should really keep that sort of reading material away from kids.”

“It's research.” Kakashi smirked, amused at his using the line Jiraiya used so often. “And I have to work when I can. Particularly since I haven't been able to hire anyone decent yet.”

The disapproval didn't fade in the slightest. “Well, you have now so keep your _research_ to your office in the future.”

He might have been slightly annoyed at the tone if it had been anyone else, but coming out of Umino's mouth, Kakashi was merely distracted by how the expression only seemed to enhance the man's attractiveness. “And if I don't?”

“Then I'll find other appropriate places for it.” The tone picked up and was matched by a smile that held a very definite threat. “Like the trash.”

The specification was unnecessary and Kakashi was more than a little horrified at the suggestion. Some of his books were first editions and others were out of print. It must have registered on his face because both Umino and Naruto laughed. Loudly.

After taking a moment to recover himself, Iruka added, “I can't exactly make you read it out loud the way I did when my students were caught with notes since that would after all defeat the purpose. Honestly though, I doubt I would actually throw them away. Maybe I'll just hide them.”

Kakashi was fairly sure he would be able to get even a paragraph out without any embarrassment, but he decided it was probably better for him if Iruka didn't know that, and he kept judiciously quiet.

* * *

** Chapter 2: Settling In **

Kakashi leaned back in his chair and stared at the chapter he'd just finished. Just knowing the au pair situation was taken care of took a load off his shoulders. He'd only had to make a few calls to reassure himself that Umino was a good fit.

“How's the writing going?”

Leaning back a little further, Kakashi looked up at Umino, who was standing across the room in the doorway holding a tray. “Finished a chapter.”

“Good.” Iruka smiled and moved the tray slightly. “You hungry?”

“You're not responsible for cooking for me, only Naruto, and he's at school.” The entire time Naruto was at school, Umino was free to do whatever he pleased and Kakashi wondered if maybe that hadn't been explained to him.

Iruka gave a small shrug at the information. “I know. I have to cook for myself, and it's just as easy to cook for two as it is for one, easier in some ways, so I thought I would see if you wanted to join me for lunch.”

He sat back up, then twisted his chair around, and stood up. “I suppose. Not in here though, since I need to get away from my work for a bit.” It saved him from having to go out to find food. He rarely bothered cooking for himself even though Minato had taught him how back when he was a teenager.

“I was thinking we could eat in the courtyard. It's nice out and you've been inside all day.” Iruka stepped back then disappeared from the doorway.

Kakashi got up and followed him out. “I don't know if that's smart, the dogs might try to join us.” No sooner were the words out of his mouth that he saw them. The entire pack sprawled on the porch chewing on things.

Turning to look at him, Iruka laughed. “That's okay. I picked up some pig ears for them while I was out getting supplies for dinner and lunch.”

That definitely earned Iruka several points in his and the dogs' books. They were easily won over with treats or ear scritches.

Iruka settled himself down on rocks beside the pond and then carefully balanced the tray of food on the flattest stone. “You, by the way, had nothing in the cupboards except instant ramen, cereal, and some random spices. I expect to be reimbursed.”

 

“I don't cook, but keep the receipt and I'll add it to your check. I'll set up an expense account for you next week.” It would make things simpler for both of them.

Iruka's eyes widened and then he frowned. “You shouldn't be so flippant about money.” He lifted the cloth off of the tray. “Why don't you cook? Don't know how or something else?”

“Mah...” Kakashi shrugged. “Minato-sensei taught me when I was younger, so I can cook , there just seems very little reason to. I have the money not to and...” And it was lonely eating alone. At least when he went out his solitude was less obvious. “Other things.”

“Other things?” Iruka's voice picked up curiously. “Like dates. I bet you have plenty of interested parties.”

He shook his head. “I have fans, but they border on being stalkers half the time.”

Iruka's cheeks tinged pink, and he looked down at the food. “Oh.”

Kakashi wondered at that blush, but when Iruka said nothing else he chalked it up to embarrassment over having asked such a personal question. “I like to watch people.” It was the best he could offer by way answering the question.

“Naruto's dad taught you to cook?” Iruka asked. He didn't look up, instead he picked up a napkin and spread it out on his lap then took one of the onigiri. His posture was much more relaxed and he stared out over the courtyard while he ate.

Picking up chopsticks and a small bowl, Kakashi helped himself to some of the fish. “Minato-sensei took care of me after my father died.” He'd basically invited the questions, but Kakashi realized he didn't actually mind either.

“I grew up in an orphanage, or well, I did from about Naruto's age on. Mizuki-kun looked out for me and well Sarutobi-sama, who ran the orphanage, helped a lot.” The tone was matter of fact and cheerful.

“Hiruzuen Sarutobi?”

Iruka looked over at him and nodded.

Kakashi didn't know why he was surprised. Asuma had recommended Kurenai's company and Kakashi wasn't sure, but he thought maybe the two were dating. He hadn't realized though that Umino's connections were so close to his own. It would be silly to think it was something like fate, but Kakashi was a writer and a romantic so it wasn’t as if the thought didn’t cross his mind.

* * *

Kakashi hit send on the e-mail he'd just finished. Two weeks since Iruka had gotten here, and he'd finished the manuscript. In the end he hadn't rewritten the love interest, but he had sketched out a draft that involved a loud, but very cute brunette school teacher and her incredibly handsome and very courageous if somewhat insane hero. They were ninjas and it was a semi-historical fantasy. Tsunade would love it and Shizune might actually let him take a break.

Iruka was turning out to be more than capable. Naruto actually liked him. It didn't stop the kid from trying to pull every silly prank he could think of, but they didn't seem aimed at getting Iruka to quit. It also didn't keep Naruto from acting out at school. At least not entirely. In the last week alone, Iruka made Naruto clean up the graffiti he plastered over the academy wall, apologize to both Sasuke and the bus driver, and finish his homework. The repeated attempts to escape from the latter had ended faster each day. In the beginning, Iruka would spend a good two hours chasing him around and dragging him back, but now and for the last several days, Naruto had only put up minor resistance and token protests.

It was impressive, but not nearly as astonishing as Iruka getting Naruto to eat things other than sugar and instant ramen. Well, maybe not _that_ astonishing. Iruka was a great cook.

The thought of which reminded him that it was nearly dinner and Iruka had mentioned something about having picked up saury. It was Kakashi's favorite and he wondered how Iruka had figured it out. Closing his laptop, Kakashi picked up the nearest volume of Icha Icha, tucked it in his back pocket, and headed for the kitchen.

“No drawing on the counter with chili sauce!” Iruka's voice carried out into the courtyard. “I need that!”

There was no anger in the sound and the laughter that quickly followed made Kakashi smile. He slid inside silently and silently watched them from the mud room.  
Naruto currently had several pieces of parsley scrunched up between his lip and his nose in a makeshift mustache.

Iruka was laughing and pulling various ingredients off the counter in front of Naruto then moving them to a spot next to the stove. “You know dinner takes three times as long to cook with you in the same room.”

It was hard not to laugh himself. In his own way, Iruka reminded Kakashi of Kushina and he wondered if that was part of why Naruto had taken to him. He could practically see this scene with her and Naruto or even her and Minato. The only real catch was that Kushina couldn't cook. The thought made his chest hurt and Kakashi had to look away from the scene. He missed them. It had been easy to bury the feeling when he'd been too stressed to think. It was a lot harder now.

“Kakashi-san!”

Iruka's voice cut through his reverie. It was like the man had a sixth sense for when he was feeling melancholy. He was always interrupting it, and it was hard for Kakashi to feel depressed when Iruka was smiling and laughing and _always_ trying to drag him into whatever domestic chaos he and Naruto were involved in. Kakashi smiled and raised two fingers in a casual wave. “Yo.” 

Naruto now had a large plastic bowl on his head and was attempting to tie an orange hand towel around his leg. A second hand towel was laying on the floor beside him.

Iruka smiled and waved a spoon at Naruto. “Could you...?”

Kakashi held up his hands. “I know better than to challenge Gai.”

Iruka rolled his eyes. “He's been doing impressions using ingredients all night. I'm never going to get dinner done if I have to compete with him to keep hold of them.”

Naruto stood up, grinned as wide as he could, winked, and gave Kakashi a thumbs up. “Rival! I challenge you!”

“Mah, but to what?” Kakashi did his best to feign disinterest.

“Roshambo!”

Kakashi nodded, closed his hand into a fist and smacked it against the flat open palm of his other hand. “Loser sets the table.”

“Youth! Spring time!”

The comment was random, but Kakashi had to admit it was accurate. Gai might be his best friend, but the man could be downright nonsensical at times.

“Ro!”

They both shook their fist.

“Sham!”

Kakashi winked at Iruka.

“Bo!”

Naruto kept his hand formed in a fist exactly as Kakashi expected he would. His own hand the flat symbol for paper.

“Aw man, Kakashi-niisan, how did you know?” Naruto's faced scrunched up in obvious disappointment.

Kakashi leaned down, lifted one hand to tap his left eye. “This eye is magical. See the scar? It's not mine. I was given it by a magician named Obito. He could see the future.”

Naruto's eyes went wide. “Really?”

Nodding solemnly, Kakashi did his best to look serious. The truth was far more depressing. He'd been in a car accident with his dad and two of his childhood best friends. A piece of glass had torn through his eyelid and damaged his own eye. It had caused the reddish discoloration and the scar. His father and Obito had died in the crash while Rin had lived only to die a few days later due to complications of heart surgery. He'd received a cornea transplant from Obito, regained nearly his full sight with only the occasional headache, and been left otherwise unharmed. Physically at least. Very few people knew the truth. Kakashi preferred the outrageous and silly lies. 

Iruka walked over and pushed Naruto towards the cupboard. “You lost, Maito-san, now go set the table.”

Kakashi looked away and scratched the eyebrow where the scar bisected it absently with his thumb. “So... is dinner really going to be awhile?”

Iruka shook his head and used his apron to scrub at a bit of sticky sauce on his hands. “It's almost done. How's the manuscript coming?”

“Done actually. Just sent it in along with the proposal for my next book.” Kakashi wasn't about to offer up information on what that proposal entailed. At least not without being asked. Iruka knew he wrote, but hadn't inquired much beyond a few surface questions most of which were related to his schedule. Kakashi was surprised by his lack of interest. He was fairly well known. They were even going to make a movie out of his last book. If it wasn't for the fact that Kakashi saw him reading every evening after Naruto went to sleep he'd have questioned whether or not Iruka even liked books.

“I told you I was competent and you'd get work done.” Iruka chuckled, but of course didn't follow up with any questions.

He honestly wanted to sulk. If he brought it up it'd look like he was bragging and maybe he wanted to a little, but he wasn't about to do it in such a pathetic fashion. “I never actually doubted you, although it is nice to finally be done with uh selection process.”

Iruka laughed and headed back over to the stove. “I miss teaching, but this is nice. It's almost like-”

“Like we're a family?” Naruto interrupted, the smile on his face slipping for only the briefest moment.

“Yeah,” Iruka agreed. “It's been a while since I really had that and it's a little strange that it feel so natural.”

“I bet we knew each other in another life.” Kakashi leaned on the counter beside Iruka and peered at the pot of soup.

Naruto's face lit up with the glee all ten-year-old's have at the suggestion. “I bet we were all really awesome warriors who protected everyone!”

Iruka smile and scrubbed a hand over Naruto's head. “I could see that. I bet you'd even save Sasuke if he was there.”

Naruto shook his head, puffed out his cheeks, and scrunched up his nose. “I would not,” he huffed.

Kakashi did his best to mask his emotions. “Mah, you know protest an awful lot. Maybe you like him.”

“I like Sakura,” Naruto countered, but with far less of the emotion that he seemed to reserve for conversations involving Sasuke. “They all think he's so special, but he's not. He's dumb. Big idiot Sasuke.”

Kakashi chuckled lightly at the way Naruto's attention was so completely absorbed by Sasuke even while he claimed to like Sakura. He could be wrong, but he wouldn't be all that surprised if Naruto's attention only further shifted in that direction over the next few years.

“I can't remember. Did you kiss him or did he kiss you?” Iruka teased, a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

“I WAS PUSHED!” Naruto stomped around the table muttering about stupid Sasuke butthead.

That revelation surprised Kakashi, and he nearly choked on his own muffled laugh. He leaned over and whispered in Iruka's ear the realization he'd just had. “So that's what their fight was about?”

Iruka nodded then his eyes shifted to Kakashi, and he took an awkward step back, his cheeks flushing a bright red. “Why don't you...” He looked around the room somewhat desperately. “Why don't you get the glasses down?”

The man was truly adorable when he blushed. It made Kakashi want to step closer. Closing his eyes, Kakashi kept his smile as calm as possible, nodded and stepped back.. _'For you, Iruka, I think I would obey any command you gave, especially if it drew that blush again.'_

They really were becoming quite the little family.

* * *

The house was silent. Kakashi was convinced he'd forgotten what that even sounded like. His workshop was always quiet, but now it was the only part of the house that was. It was a different kind of quiet though. Here, in the courtyard between his workshop and the main part of the house there was still some noise from the garden the dogs spent most of their time in, but it was relatively quiet. Naruto was asleep, Iruka was probably reading, and the dogs had always been there so technically the silence shouldn't have been any different, but it... it felt different.

Pakkun slipped under the gate, came padding over, and promptly flopped himself across one of Kakashi's legs. It was Pakkun's way of saying it was okay to pet him.

Kakashi scratched him behind the ears.

Despite being the smallest, the pug seemed to run right over all of the other dogs except for Uuhei. If not for her Kakashi would have pegged Pakkun as the pack leader. Maybe it had something to do with her being the only female or her being Pakkun's mate, but Kakashi thought it might also just be who she was. Pakkun, though, was his favorite. He'd had Pakkun the longest and he'd been given to Kakashi by his father so it was undoubtedly for sentimental reasons. The pug shared his quiet disposition and spent most of his time sitting with Kakashi in his workshop so that also had a lot to do with it.

“Naruto really likes your dogs.”

Kakashi looked up from his book, which he'd really only been staring at for the last twenty minutes. “They seem to like him too, but they’re not exactly picky.”

Pakkun gave a small grunt, seemingly in protest of the statement.

“Well, Pakkun is,” he amended.

Iruka settled himself beside Kakashi on the porch, crossed his legs, and reached over to scratch Pakkun under the chin. “I haven't noticed that, although he does remind me of you.” The slightest bit of a mischievous smile accompanied the comment.

“You only say that because he likes you.” Kakashi didn't bother to clarify which of the statements he meant. “He did try to bite one of the girls; of course in his defense, she did try to pick him up.”

“I can understand why.” The smile twitched his lips and the tightness of Iruka’s obvious attempt to restrain his amusement turned it into more of a smirk. “He’s very cute.”

Kakashi quickly covered Pakkun’s ears and leaned over. “Shh… don’t let him hear you say that, he’s got a big enough head as it is.”

Pakkun gave a very soft, grumbly growl in protest of having his head covered. He’d never bite Kakashi, but he was getting grumpy in his old age.

“Like pet, like owner,” Iruka teased, laughing softly.

That. That was it. The laugh, the smile, the easy way Iruka just seemed to settle into their lives and make them fit together… that was what made the quiet so different.

* * *

** Chapter 3: Disruption **

It was becoming a game. Kakashi waited until Iruka and Naruto were firmly entrenched in some activity, like homework, and then he'd slide into the room casually reading one of his books.

The first time he'd done it, he hadn't even intended to goad Iruka. He'd actually forgotten about the threat, however, with Iruka around he had more free time on his hands. He could have used it to be more productive, but technically Kakashi could also have argued that research counted as work. A fact that had lead to him deciding that reading in the living room so that he was at least in the same space as Naruto and Iruka seemed like a good idea. He was being indirectly social.

Iruka, though, had seemed to find fault with his logic. He'd sat there, glared at him, and tried to concentrate on explaining fractions to Naruto for a good twenty minutes before getting up. Iruka also hadn't thrown it away, like he'd threatened, instead he'd grabbed Kakashi's arm, pulled him up off of the couch, and dragged him forcibly from the room. He hadn't yelled, or taken the book away, he'd simply pushed him out and then locked the door behind him.

It had actually left Kakashi mildly confused for a moment.

The second time had been far more planned. He'd waited until Iruka was talking and very pointedly looking at the book in front of them; then he snuck in through the window. He settled himself just outside Iruka's line of sight, but where Naruto could clearly still see him.

Naruto gave him away. Not deliberately, but he did.

Iruka had explained the problem for the third time and realized Naruto's vacant stare was not due to his lack of understanding, but more because he was distracted.

Kakashi could tell the moment it happened. He heard Iruka stop mid sentence, saw his back stiffen, and he could not have mistaken the deep sigh for anything other than irritation.

He hadn't turned around to look at Kakashi though, instead he'd scolded Naruto for not paying attention. After another ten minutes of Naruto not paying attention, a very annoyed Iruka had gotten up, snatched his book from him, and tossed it out the window he'd come in through.

The subsequent attempts to prickle the nerves of the otherwise sweet-natured sensei were just as successful if shorter lived and harder won. One had involved disentangling himself from a lamp when he'd missed noticing a cable that he was positive Iruka had strung across the doorway. He'd only missed it because Iruka had been painting shirtless. 

Another had ended up with him drenched because Iruka had set up a trap involving water balloons. Another trap had involved whoopee cushions, an overcharged homemade hand buzzer, and firecrackers. After that, they'd gotten more elaborate and despite that Kakashi had managed to evade tripping any of them. 

He was fairly certain Naruto was now involved in the set up of the various traps he had to disarm to even get into the living room during study time. He was also starting to think they spent more time setting up the traps than they did studying. It was either that or the fact that Iruka no longer had to chase Naruto down. Neither was a problem since Naruto's grades had gone up significantly. The kid wasn't a genius, but now he was at least passing.

Kakashi slid the door open with a stick. A smoke bomb went off, but otherwise it was quiet. He jumped, grabbed the top of the door frame with both hands and threw himself through the doorway.

“Aw, man! It didn't work!” Naruto pouted and crossed his arms.

Iruka smiled at Kakashi then patted Naruto on the head. “Well, you'll just have to come up with something better tomorrow. Now, I suggest you go disarm it before it accidentally goes off and you get caught by your own trap.”

Naruto sulked more, but headed towards the failed trap.

From this side the whole mess seemed to involve a lot of wire and silly string. Kakashi pulled his book out of his back pocket and waved it victoriously at Iruka.

The baiting, however, only garnered an amused smile from Iruka. He looked at Naruto then motioned Kakashi over. “He actually doesn't have homework tonight so I was thinking we could all go for ramen.” Iruka's voice was quiet, but apparently not quite enough.

Naruto spun around, a huge grin on his face. “Can we go to Ichiraku's again?”

Iruka nodded then behind Naruto to the trap. “Only if you get that clean. Kakashi and I will wait for you outside so don't take too long.”

The comment caught Kakashi's attention as odd, but he followed Iruka without comment.

Iruka closed the door behind them. “Remember when I said that my sabbatical wasn't disciplinary related?”

Kakashi nodded and briefly wondered if he shouldn't have maybe called more on that instead of being lazy because he'd trusted Iruka.

Iruka stared down the street, very deliberately not looking at Kakashi. “Well, that wasn't entirely true. I wasn't in trouble, but a fellow teacher was and he's actually being investigated.” Iruka sighed and looked away. “I'm a character witness _for the school board_. He was my--” he hesitated, frowned, then shook his head, “--roommate, which was why I needed to find a place and he's still allowed to teach until the case has been resolved, which was why I took a sabbatical. It will be resolved fairly soon and I'll know after I go give my statement in front of the board whether or not either of us will continue to teach there.”

There was clearly a lot there that Iruka didn't want to talk about. “You won't be comfortable teaching there if he's there?”

“It would make things more complicated. We've always co-taught and our classrooms are currently right next to each other.”

His voice sounded a little shaky to Kakashi, and he wondered if he was reading too much into it. “If he's removed though you'll go back to teaching?”

Iruka's gaze shifted to him. “I don't know.”

It was a terrible thing to even silently be hoping the guy got off if it meant Iruka stayed, but Kakashi couldn't help it. Naruto needed Iruka. He opened his mouth fully intending to explain to Iruka that he couldn’t leave, that he couldn’t abandon Naruto, not when Naruto had already lost so much and was just getting used to having a family again.

Only Naruto barreling out the door and into Iruka stopped him.

Iruka stared at Kakashi for a moment longer then looked down at Naruto and scrubbed and hand through his hair. “It’d better actually be clean or I will string you up by your toenails,” he play threatened.

Naruto didn’t even seem to notice the moment he’d interrupted anymore than he cared about the threat, he just pulled Iruka down the street chattering about how if they didn’t hurry Ichiraku’s would be closed.

Kakashi followed them a few steps behind.

* * *

** Chapter 4: Home **

Kakashi set the cereal and milk on the table, sat down, and poured himself a bowl.

Naruto came wandering in a few minutes later, rubbing his eyes. He looked around the kitchen, then at Kakashi and at the bowl in front of Kakashi. “I miss Iruka-sensei.”

Two weeks and Iruka hadn't even called. Kakashi wasn't sure how to tell Naruto that given that fact it was unlikely Iruka was coming back. “His cooking was definitely better than this.”

“You're weird, Kakashi-niisan. That cereal is the best.” Naruto grabbed himself a bowl and sat down.

“I'm going to tell him you said that.” It felt like an empty threat, but Kakashi made it anyway. Maybe Iruka would prove him wrong, but it wasn't usually how things worked out for him.

Naruto shoveled a spoonful in his mouth and mumbled something unintelligible.

“What was that, Iruka-sensei?” Kakashi pretended to listen to somebody invisible. “You'll never cook for such an ungrateful brat again?” He held a hand to his ear. “He can live on sugar cereals and instant ramen from now on. Mah... you are a cruel, cruel man.”

Milk dripping down his chin, Naruto swallowed. “You tell him, and I'll tell him about you sitting on the couch reading your pervy books.” Naruto grinned. “That and staring at the kitchen all sad.” He made an over the top 'doe-eyed' expression. “Oh, Iruka-sensei, let me read my book to you.”

Kakashi felt his cheeks warm and promptly picked up his bowl. “Mah... I don't know what you're talking about.” He did his best to feign ignorance, but the brat was far more perceptive than Kakashi generally gave him credit for. Of course Naruto's obliviousness still won out most of the time, but Kakashi really needed to stop relying on it.

“Oh, Kakashi-san, not in front of Naruto-kun.” Naruto snickered and shoved another spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

Kakashi set his bowl in the sink, which was starting to pile up, and frowned. He wondered if he shouldn't call Kurenai about a replacement au pair and then dismissed the thought. That might actually make things worse. For both of them.

* * *

Kakashi poked at his noodles and then pushed the plate forward. “He hasn't called.”

“Who? Your mail order bride?”

Rai promptly elbowed him. “Excuse him, he's an idiot.”

“You're saying he doesn't look like he's been dumped?” Genma asked, pointedly shifting his chair a few inches away from his boyfriend and his sharp elbow.

Yuugao snickered and nodded. “I don't think I've ever seen him so infatuated.”

“I think it is a wonderful thing to see you so passionate in your longing!” Gai added.

“He means your sulking is charming,” Ibiki corrected, chuckling softly. “Of course, he's your best friend, so the rest of us only find it mildly tolerable.

“I'm not sulking.” He wasn't.

“You are merely awaiting the return of the one you have your youthful heart set upon.” Gai looked at Ibiki before continuing. “I think Iruka-san is a man worthy your affections, and I am certain they will be returned. You need only give the red string time to finish unraveling.”

Kakashi furrowed his brow. Once Gai got an idea in his head it was impossible to get it out. “Naruto needs him, and I need an au pair who can actually do his job.” It was the best counter he could come up with.

Ibiki sipped his beer and smirked. “If it's that simple, then go tell him that.”

He really shouldn't have said anything with Ibiki present. The man was far too direct about certain things.

* * *

Iruka was sitting at his desk, quite obviously knee deep in paperwork. His hair slipping free of his ponytail in loops and wisps and he occasionally raised a hand to absent-mindedly brush it back.

Staring at him through the window, Kakashi hated exactly how much it suited Iruka. He could practically see him in front of his class and it was clearly where he belonged. It didn't seem likely to him that Iruka would choose to be a nanny over a teacher and he really didn't know what he had to offer that would change that. Money wasn't what drove Iruka. Kakashi didn't have to ask him to know that either. The man practically lit up when he tutored Naruto, and Kakashi had listened in more than once. Iruka's brilliance shone best then. Oblivious, dense as a rock when it came to school work, Naruto got it whenever Iruka explained something to him.

Kakashi put convincing Iruka out of his mind. He'd come to give him his last paycheck, find out how things had gone, and to check on him. Even if he wasn't coming back except to get his things, Kakashi wanted to make sure things were good for him. He leaned on the window sill and raised his hand in a wave. “Yo.”

The moment Iruka's gaze met Kakashi's, a smile spread across his face. “Hello, Kakashi.”

Swinging a leg through the open window, Kakashi climbed inside and then leaned against it's frame.

“I have a door you know, and I don't trap my classroom,” Iruka teased.

“Mah... I'd have to find the front of the building. This was easier.” It wasn't. He actually knew where the front was. He'd gone in and asked which classroom was Iruka's, but he'd wanted to observe things for himself without Iruka's notice. “It looks like things worked out for you--” he hesitated, “--so, did they?”

Iruka sighed and slid back from his desk. “Mizuki's been dismissed for 'reckless endangerment of students' and I can return to teaching if I like.”

Kakashi looked around the classroom, suddenly uncomfortable and not wanting to look at Iruka. He hadn't expected anything else, but some part of him had apparently held out some hope. “I see.”

There was a long awkward silence, and then Iruka cleared his throat. “How have you and Naruto been?”

“He misses you.” He shifted his gaze to the floor then pulled the book out of his back pocket. The check he had for Iruka was tucked inside and just having a book in his hand helped him push things away that he really didn't want to think about. “He really likes you.”

Iruka's chair scraped against the floor and creak at a change in weight. “Is that so?”

Kakashi nodded and still pretending to look at his book he watched Iruka walk towards him. “Mah, well, you're probably the reason he's coping so well.”

“You give yourself too little credit.” Iruka took the book, took the check out, then promptly threw the book out the window.

He would have pretended to be horrified if he hadn't been so baffled. “Why did you do that?”

“Because _that_ is not allowed in my classroom anymore than it's allowed in the living room while Naruto's awake, which I hope you're not doing in my absence.” Iruka smiled, coy and mischievous as ever. “I don't like distractions and you're using it as an excuse to avoid looking at me when I want your full attention. My students don't get away with that and neither will you.”

Kakashi felt his cheeks warm and he mentally had to kick himself to get his mouth to close. Iruka was _hot_ when he was demanding.

Iruka held up the check. “I'm not going to be Naruto's au pair anymore.”

His heart sank at the words, but Kakashi nodded his understanding.

“I didn't call you because I was thinking things over.” Iruka grabbed Kakashi's hand and put the check in it. “I don't think it's just me, we all clicked and it just worked.”

Kakashi didn't break Iruka's gaze, not even to look at the check. “But?”

His tan cheeks flushed, and Iruka swallowed, the resolve returning to his features after a moment. He reached up with one hand, grabbed the front of Kakashi's shirt, pulled him forward and kissed him.

He should have seen it coming, and somehow it still surprised him. So much so that he didn't respond, just let himself be kissed, and he was very glad he wasn't standing.

Iruka broke the kiss and pulled back enough to look at Kakashi properly again. “Don't come here asking me to go back to work; ask me to come home.”

The check slipping from his hand, Kakashi slid his hands around Iruka and leaned close. “Come home.”

Iruka grinned and planted another light kiss on Kakashi's lips. “I also think you need to stop projecting everything on to Naruto. I know he misses me. He's snuck out of school three times in the last two weeks to come see me.”

Kakashi frowned. “He did? His teachers didn't tell me.” It explained why Naruto was dealing with things better and seemed to think Iruka was coming back.

“Obviously, they called me since _you_ never answer your phone,” Iruka laughed. “Speaking of his school, they've offered me a teaching position there. I haven't said yes, because I was waiting to see what you would do, but they're getting very impatient so it's a good thing you finally got your nerve up.” He smirked and leaned against Kakashi. “At least nobody can say those dashing, courageous heroes of yours are self-inserts since you're a gigantic coward.”

“You read my books?” He'd been pretty convinced Iruka didn't. They were, after all, just as explicit as the one Iruka had just thrown out the window. “You're a fan.”

“I might have read one or two--” his cheeks flushed again, “--and maybe a few more when I missed you.”

It was the perfect opening and he couldn't resist, especially not with the idea of Iruka reading his books when he was lonely hanging in the air like that. “I'll have to tell you about the new one I'm writing then maybe you can help me with the _research_.”

“Only if you think you can keep up,” Iruka teased coyly, without missing a beat.

Kakashi chuckled and kissed Iruka again. He was definitely going to have to thank Genma since in the end his suggestion had been quite genius.

~End~

**Author's Note:**

> Remember to leave a comment below, or at the [LJ post](http://kakairu-fest.livejournal.com/128401.html?mode=reply#add_comment)!


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